I think Negar is a good name for a girl. I'm also thinking Andisheh for boy, but DH is looking for other names.

I was depressed tonight and I cried a lot. Matin came and hugged me and his face touched mine. He said: "Tell me what's the truth!" I could see tears in his red eyes. I hugged him and told him it's ok and I'm just a little sick, I will be ok soon. He said: "I want to cry. If you cry the baby in your stomach will die." I hugged him again and he said: "Sabe (save) me mommy."

Today

Today its one week that Matin hasn't gone to his tennis classes. Next week school begins, and I'm stressed a little. I haven't registered Matin for school yet.

Today

It was 6:30 AM when I got out of home. September's wheather smelled liked school already. I walked the way where I used to take Matin to his Kindergarten near our building. Two years have gone by. And time won't come back. Matin will not be 5 years old anymore. Neither will he be 4. Nor 3. I feel down. But meanwhile I feel my heart growing bigger and beating more for Matin.

12 شهريور 1379
Some signs of the new family member has appeared: morning sickness. DH is very happy and helps me a lot.
14 شهريور 1379
Mr Hasani called and said 2 model pages are ready for me to work on. DH came home after 9:00pm, with flowers and said these are for the baby.

Today


Nikan! How do you see the world? You are straped in a 2*2 sunny room surrounded by drapeless windows, in a hot summer afternoon, in the smoggy, crowded city center, and you can't move. The landscape? If you can see out the window, pollution, cars and people. No wonder why you get tired and cry so soon. But still, when you see the door you say:DADA! And that means you want to go out in the same car again!

How do you see the world?

9 شهريور 1379
Today when I entered the FF website, and entered my temps in it, I saw that my "implantation signs" says that a sudden increase of my temp on the 23rd day may mean that day was the day of implantation. My chart looks like a triphesic chart. That made me force DH to go buy an HPT at 10pm! When he came back I couldn't wait and I wanted to test right away. But I decided to wait a little anyway. I woke up in the middle of the night. It was 2am. I decided I couldn't wait any longer and I tested. It was hopeless in the beginning because the red line didn't apear in the first home, but after a few seconds I saw a very faint line. Its 3am now and I can't sleep anymore.
EDD: 13-May-2001

Yesterday I took Nikan to his Ped for his 15 month MMR vaccine. Poor baby! I felt so bad I was looking for a way to skip the vax and go back home, but I couldn't do anything.It reminded me of the day that Nikan was 2 months old and they were drawing some blood from small vessels for the lab. They had fixed his little arm to a peice of board with bands and tapes so it wouldn't move. His vessel was not found easily. And when it was it wouldn't fill the huge lab surynge .Nikan cried a lot. He was begging me to take him away. And I was crying silently too. The nurses told me several times that I could stay outside if I wanted to, but I couldn't leave my baby. I thought I will die if I leave him alone.
At last the blood work was done and they left the vessel open for other medications and sedatives. It was over. Nikan was sedated and fell asleep in my arms.
Yesterday when the needle went in his arm, he shook a little, but didn't say anything. Neither did he cry. The doctor was amased. When he pulled out the shot, Nikan looked in my eyes -the meaningful look that only kids can look, straight into my eyes- and startled. But he didn't cry. I gave him his bottle, he smiled and forgot it.